A long ago I heard a quote that if you want self-esteem do esteemable things. And while I don't speak for everyone out there, sometimes there are still roadblocks in the way of that. Sometimes you have little patterns of thoughts that run in the background of your brain that are useless, yet continue to run. In yogic philosophy they call these Samskaras. On a simple level, they are how your brain learns. But if they were learned in an unpleasant experience, they can run your life. I'll use the example of the bad relationship, the one where the other person cheated and they gave some excuse. It can be a completely invalid excuse like "you were unavailable so I found someone who was" or "I was lonely." Or it could be something more personal "you were frigid" or "I found this person more attractive." And those little things can chip away at self-esteem. But they can also create what Eckart Tolle refers to as a "pain body" or a tone that we carry and react to others according to what experiences we had in the past.
Having had the experiences of infidelity, breaking up and leaving under my own belt, I can tell you that there were periods of time where I felt less than adequate in the relationship department. For two years I stayed single, not because I didn't want a relationship, but I was so angry at the last relationship it was impossible to get beyond my "pain body" to a real place of experiencing another human being for who they are.
Self-esteem not only affects how we deal with the world around us, but also the way we treat ourselves. If we don't feel good enough, how can we expect others to treat us with dignity, respect and love? If we don't love ourselves how is anyone else going to love us back? In my adventures in all things online I came across this Short Sale of the Heart and it speaks to that place of being loving to yourself. Enjoy.
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