Met Another Frog - website review and thoughts of all small/big towns

Found this website while cruising another blog.  Dating, sexual escapades and how-to's, oh my.  This online magazine even hosts events like the one just jumping across the pond for  online hotties to come and share their stuff and seduce most eligible bloggers with their words.   A way to get your words out and catch someone's attention beyond the screen. 
   As I do more research, especially here in San Diego, I'm finding nothing quite like this kind of event here.  I find a lot of "singles mixers" and a lot of "Meetups" with the singles in mind.   But aren't some of those "singles mixers" a lot like going to a bar and getting phone numbers?  Sure, they can edit them to make it a little swanky, a little more exclusive in terms of income or interests but truly, people can lie about those online as well as offline.   I'm also finding a lot of defunct blogs.  People who have jumped off the "dating experience blog" and ended their online rants.  Some for reasons of they have nothing more to say.  And some are trying to get their dating grove back and not hate being single.  In this quest to find love, I find the only suitable advice I would give is to just be kind to yourself. 

Red Flag 101 website review

There's a lot of dating sites, advice columns, out in the wacky wonderful web but here's one I found fun and entertaining.  The brain child of someone who was burnt to a crisp by a relationship, he offers a candid and detailed explanation of what went wrong and what he chose not to look at.   Someone close to me had an eerily similar experience in a relationship went wrong.  As most of the sites I've looked at have been run by or oriented to women, this site gives another side and sometimes surprising perspective. 

Evolution

This week was very productive in terms of planning and outlying.  First, locally, the plan is to start to host some singles mixers and events in the next coming months as some launching points.  Secondly, the possibilities keep emerging with the web and different opportunities that present themselves.  I don't want to get too carried away but OMG this is going to be so much fun!!!!

The Single Woman

Here's another one I found, got to following on Twitter.  Mandy Hale is the author.  Her posts are mostly uplifting and her blogs are a little Sex in the City-ish and little self help.  In fact, she's been called the Carrie Bradshaw of Music City (Nashville).   Her advice column appears in the Nashville Examiner.   And for my research purposes, I'm going to try and pursue an interview with her for many reasons.  First, she's in a different part of the country, literally the 'country' music capital of the world.  Her take and experience deals with a demographic of men that I'm assuming is a lot different from southern California.  Secondly, she's at a particular age where I find a lot of women start to freak out, really freak out.  Or end the relationship they're in for search of something different and hopefully better.  Check out one of her stories here. 

Here's what's funny

I checked out this website that had "dating stories from hell."  First of all, the stories were a bit unbelievable and secondly, they were also familiar.  Apparently swingers bring along another couple on a first date to check the new date out and it's not uncommon to be picked up by someone from work only to have them be a complete @ss.  FYI - already in the old script.  Hmmm....It's time for more interviews and research!

Featured Blog/Website: eekHarmony

So in doing research or rather, having friends point me in directions, I come across websites, bloggers, and overall fun things on the internet.  I'd like to introduce you eekHarmony.com, Deb Slater's response to all things dating.  You can find her on Facebook as well as some heavenly delicious pictures of, you guessed it, online profile pictures that many, many, many, men should have NEVER used.  Her site is full of her stories of her dating adventures and misadventures. Enjoy.

Observations from the other side

So I had the experience last night of being the bride at the bridal shower.

Yes, I'm getting married.   But let me just clarify one thing for you:  If I would have married the significant relationships in my life I would be married and divorced three times already.  Something (divine intervention, a logical and orderly universe) prevented that from happening.  

Which leads me to my next observation.  As I walked through the casino where we met last night (no, not Vegas but closer to home) I got a lot of congratulations but more significant was the girl behind the counter.  She said "Congratulations, I hope it works out, I've been married and divorced two times."  Ummm.....shocked was I.  Stunned.  If she was over thirty, I'd be surprised.  But mostly, I felt bad for her.  Bad because really, her anger just spewed out all over.  Yeah, I could be offended for me, but really this leads to the bigger issue that I find in doing interviews for this project, what is holding people back.  The baggage is usually an emotional hangup from some other relationship.

  A few years back I remember 'This Guy' made some inklings that he may want to be more than friends.  I can't say enough nice things about This Guy.  This Guy was charming, boyishly handsome, talented, spiritually connected and yes, I would have liked to have been WAY more friends with This Guy.  We went out in group encounters.  We ran in similar circles.  And while This Guy wanted so much to take this to a new level, This Guy ran into my BITTER HATE MACHINE.  The BITTER HATE MACHINE that was running behind my cheery disposition and smile, behind my great-looking in jeans, behind my cutest girl in the waitstaff, behind my great behind.  The BITTER HATE MACHINE was the undercurrent from my last relationship.  It came out in small edges in my responses about life.  It came out when someone was trying to flirt with me.  It came out in my guarded retorts.  The BITTER HATE MACHINE became totally evident to me while in conversation with This Guy in the fact that I couldn't respond to someone's earnest desire to get to know me better because I was edged with barbed wire responses and desperation.  These two combinations are so totally painful and deadly to someone trying to date.  It's that moment that I realized that in someone's earnest trying to get to know me was my response emotionally, desperate to make something happen in order to fill a void in myself left by the last relationship.  I can't tell you the exact details of the conversation but it was like "What are you up to" icebreaker question "Oh, I have to work, work really sucks, my life really sucks right now, I'm so tired I've been up all night" things that are better left telling a therapist than someone you perhaps want to go to a movie with so that you've done something other than work.  I didn't realize what happened until after the conversation.  I was a complete drag.  And yet, I wanted this person to be interested in me so I could fulfill that hole that relationship prior had left.  The hole left was mine to fill.  I needed to be happy with me, not because I had x, y, z, or This Guy was in my life or not.  And such is the trap of dating and relationships. He stopped calling.  I called him once to wish him some happy holiday thing.  And he thanked me and said it was nice to talk to me but he was in the middle of something with friends.  Polite, kind, nothing less than a gentleman.  He could have just not picked up the phone, but he didn't, he answered and spoke to me.  I ran into him in social circles often.  He was nothing less of nice.  And we are still friendly and kind to each other to this day. 

What I ended up doing after This Guy's encounter was crying.  A lot.  Realizing that I was angry and bitter and had to change that, I started looking towards filling that void with something else.  And while it took me another relationship with whom I called "the one" only to have that smashed into my face to finally get to the place of putting me as the most important person first, I will never forget This Guy and the valuable lesson he taught me.  Sometimes, people just want to get to know you and don't have malicious intent.  They're looking for things like you're looking for things.  They've probably had failed relationships too that left them bitter and angry.  Sometimes they've overcome that.  And sometimes they haven't.  Just because someone steps into the circle and then decides that it's not what they're looking for, yes it's rejection, but if we can allow ourselves to say no then we can allow others to say no.  Sometimes no is not now.  And sometimes no is just no.  

So to the girl at the casino counter:  I see your hurt.  I see your pain.  I've been there.  Two failed marriages don't make you who you are.  You do.  Someone is going to say yes to you.  You've had the experiences of no.  No is a good place to be.  And because you've had the experience of yes and then no, you have some things to look out for for the next time.  Be grateful.  They're giving you you back.