The Tipsy Decade

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While I didn’t go to my high school reunion (so you can take a breathe I’m not necessarily talking about you) it appears that this magical window between the ages of 30 and 40 that certain things manifest.  Like wrinkles and sun damage, there are things that if not dealt with, come up during this time.  Which makes the pursuit of relationships or dating just that more interesting.  Substance abuse.  While it may be hidden, or may not have become complete dependence, during this age decade, it becomes obvious if it hasn’t already.   According to the Center for Disease Control here is the difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse: 

Alcohol abuse⁴ is a pattern of drinking that results in harm to one’s health, interpersonal relationships, or ability to work. Manifestations of alcohol abuse include the following:

• Failure to fulfill major responsibilities at work, school, or home.
• Drinking in dangerous situations, such as drinking while driving or operating machinery.
• Legal problems related to alcohol, such as being arrested for drinking while driving or for physically hurting someone while drunk.
• Continued drinking despite ongoing relationship problems that are caused or worsened by drinking.
• Long-term alcohol abuse can turn into alcohol dependence.

Dependency on alcohol, also known as alcohol addiction and alcoholism⁴, is a chronic disease. The signs and symptoms of alcohol dependence include—

• A strong craving for alcohol.
• Continued use despite repeated physical, psychological, or interpersonal problems.
• The inability to limit drinking.

While the difference between dependence and abuse are a physiological, these are issues that have to be dealt with.  It seems during this magical decade, there are more people that either come to terms with the fact they have issues around their use of substances or their issues get the better of them.    The excuses will vary from “oh I’ve driven before with way more alcohol in my system” or “they made a mistake and threw me in jail.”  But the bottom line is this:  If you don’t deal with the fact that you are making choices to continue to use a substance in spite of the fact that it is causing you problems, then you have a problem. 

When it comes to dating during this magical decade, it’s one more thing  in the equation.  So, that bad divorce where the wife was so unreasonable becomes evident when he misses your date because he never left happy hour.  Or she doesn’t quite make it through wine at dinner without getting a little sloppy.  But there is a silver lining.  With help, people can recover.  They can have happy relationships and move on with their lives.  And the solutions are simple and easy to find and sometimes “anonymous”. 

The Blogspot

Most of the research I do is online.  The digital age has given the world opportunities we didn't have before and some opportunities that shouldn't be taken.  This week I ran across a story where a blogger decided to post her thoughts about a online date and how that really came back to haunt her.   It left me thinking about how the digital age has created a virtual bathroom wall scrawling that anyone can see and no one can report the scribbler to the principle.  Or can they?  In this case, the backlash came in the form of actual story, which is a little ridiculous in some ways, this is news?  But how often do I hear stories about cyber-bullying, stalking and other horrifying ways that people treat each other that lead to violence and even death?  And while the exact nature of this blogger's post were questionable if not mean-spirited, does the internet provide us sounding boards of things that maybe we think and should never speak or ways to demean and humiliate people in a very public way in order to gain some sort of narcissistic attention?  Or all of the above?   People have blogs for many reasons.  I have two, one for this project and another for my personal writing.  Why?  Because I like attention?  Yes.  And because I like having an outlet for my writing and thoughts.  Mostly I'm looking for connection.  It's a way of self-publishing.  So when writing a blog or posting on Facebook or a board and it's mean, what are people looking for?  An outlet for their rage?  For people to think they're funny?  But when it's at someone's expense, is it still funny?  Or is it just mean?  And if you're dating, are you blogging about dating because you're looking for connection or something that others can relate to?  Or are you looking to humiliate someone else?  Someone who rubs your 'blogspot' the right or wrong way may not take too kindly to appearing in cyberspace as fodder for the masses.  Then again, neither may the masses.