Got advice?

In the blogospere, everyone has advice to give.  Most dating sites even have their own advice column or forum on dating.  There are relationship coaches, dating coaches, online profile consultants and pretty much anything you think of that people have uncertainty about.  They cater to niche markets and some try to appeal to the masses.  Some are 'professionals' who have some letters beside their name and some qualify themselves as 'life experienced'.   And it can be quite profitable, think of "The Rules" or "He's just not that into you" and where that has taken those authors.  But a recent article on yahoo on how to go from the 'just friends' to relationship made me think of those times that I had gone down that road, and ended up in a ditch.   Don't get me wrong, I also ended up with a friend for life but after many flat tires, broken axles and some blown engines in the process.   While I don't intend for this blog to turn into an advice column at all, it's not the purpose, I had some 'counter-thoughts' to this little article I read.

Friendship is the first relationship outside of the parent, sibling, relative paradigm I experienced.   Probably the first thing I did with a non-related person was play.   Barbies, games at school, the first interaction was probably involved with some sort of play.  So there, we have something in common.  That's how it starts.  Much like dating.  So there's already a common area and feeling around this person.  Not hard for it to go somewhere else.   But here's the part that the article didn't really go into much.  What happens if they don't share the same feelings or desires as you do?  What happens then?

There were many times that if I would have thought things through and really took a look at what my actions were stemming from, I would have saved myself some headache and possibly saved a friendship. Is this "attraction" to my "friend" a hormonal thing (you're either incredibly attracted to them or you find yourself lonely and attracted to your friends?) or are you looking for the 'friends with benefits package?'  Most of the time, I was looking for something that this person couldn't or wouldn't provide.  What if the friend isn't interested?  I have had only ONE relationship with a friend who was interested in me and I did not share the feelings that we were able to remain friends afterwards.    Space, time and a commitment to staying friends was needed for this to happen.  What would it look like and how would I behave or really, how should I behave to this person if they reject me?  There are friends I have deeper friendships with and deeper trust than others.  Do I want to lose that to step into another arena?  Or can I take that into another arena at all?  This takes work, I know from deep personal experience, i.e. the relationship I'm currently in and the therapy it's taken to stay there.  It's willingness to take the risk of opening oneself up to new possibilities but being ready for what those entail, the car repair shop, and even retirement of the vehicle if it crashes.